We Are All Bad Mothers

This article is just one part in a series entitled The Homemaking Pharisee: Living a “Godly” Life with an Ungodly Spirit.  To view the rest in this series PLEASE CLICK HERE.

Being A Failure

You are a bad mother.  I am a bad mother.  We are all bad mothers.

I am not trying to beat you over the head or take the rug out from under your feet.  This final installment to The Homemaking Pharisee series is meant to put your life, your role as a wife, mother, and homemaker into perspective.

My four year old daughter looked up at me the other day and said “Mommy, I’m going to be different than you when I grow up.”  Her comment was completely harmless, but I was having a particularly difficult couple of days and my heart became totally overwhelmed with loathing for myself.  I was confronted with the realization of what a horrible mother I am and how I do not want my daughter to be like me.  I want her to be so much more than the example I have left her thus far. 

I am not proud of who I am.  I do not spend enough time with my children.  I get stressed.  I raise my voice.  I lose my temper.  I do not serve my family with joy as I should, nor do I spend time in the Word or seek the face of God through prayer nearly as often as God would have me.  I become overwhelmed with my own life and do not pour myself into others around me in the church or in my community.  I am lacking … I am sinful.

You are sinful too.  You may not have the same list as I do, but you are just as sinful.  You have thoughts in your mind and actions you do in secret (or even in public) that you hope no one ever sees.  You need God as much as I do.

After I had my severe meltdown following my daughter’s innocent comment, the Holy Spirit impressed upon me the severity of my sin.  My sin was in trying to do motherhood, to do life, within my own power, not God’s.  

I have in my head all of these ideals and principles of who I want to be, what I want my family to look like, and how I want my children to live when they grow older.  I talk a big game, but when it comes down to actually living it out I am failing miserably.  

Our Focus Is All Wrong

I notice that a lot of women, including myself, focus on HOW they do homemaking as being the standard for good motherhood.

We seem to think that how our family has chosen to eat, educate, work, birth, vaccinate, dress, sleep, (insert any other major online debate) is the way a good parent, a loving parent, treats their children.

Why is it that we base our standard for parenting on what is personal choice? 

Well, I hate to break it to you, but personal choice does not a good parent make.  What is personal choice, or maybe even personal conviction for you, does not necessarily mean it would be good, or even God honoring, for another family to practice.

The Correct Standard

Our correct standard of proper practice in life should always be centered in Christ.  There is no other standard by which to live then the Word of God.

Biblical principles such as stewardship, modesty, and training in righteousness are very much areas we need to be obedient in, but how I feel led to implement some of these convictions in my life might look different then how the Spirit leads you to implement them in yours.

Hear me properly, there are certain Biblical principles that are mandated within the Scriptures.  We cannot just do away with these.  However, the way we each act these principles out, the way the Spirit leads, within our individual families may look very different and that IS okay!

How I obey God’s Word is between God and I.  How you obey God’s Word is between you and God.  It is important to have a teachable spirit, to be purposeful in all that we do, but if my friend still lands on a different sphere after she has sought God and His Word in her decision making process then should I judge her?  No!  If I have misgivings I should pray for her, maybe kindly talk to her, but I should never cram my views down her throat nor should I view myself as more “enlightened” then she.  Where is the love of Christ in that?

Our standard for proper parenting, and really proper living, is not where God has brought us to personally, but what God’s Word says.  Anything we add to that and require of others is purely legalism.

Homemaking By The Grace Of God

So when we live by conviction, acting in the love of Christ, and keeping in perspective our own fallen state before the God we serve, there is no room left for us to judge another mother.

We are only worthy to be the wife, mother, and homemaker that we are because of Christ’s work on the cross.  We are no more “enlightened” because we researched this or heard that.  Those things do not matter in the grand scheme of this Christian life.  What kind of legacy are we leaving our children when the brunt of what we focus on in our home is health, wealth, and every other external thing?

Our duty as Christian women is to fulfill the Titus 2 mandate and pour ourselves into other women, not demeaning them, or showing ourselves better than they, but uplifting, encouraging, and discipling them to become women of God. (Titus 2:3-8) 

Our duty as Christian wives is to love, honor, and respect our husbands.  I am to serve my husband joyfully and submit to him as He leads me with a caring hand to a deeper understanding of Christ. (Ephesians 5:22-29)

Our duty as Christian mothers is to nurture and pray for our children from the womb, for their salvation.  We are to lay on our face before our Lord seeking His wisdom and guidance as to how to bear this great burden of parenthood.  We are the first woman our boys love and the first woman our girls want to emulate.  We are discipling the next generation of pastors, missionaries, fathers, and mothers.  We are armoring young men and women to lay down their lives for the Savior we introduce them to and fill their hearts to the brim with knowledge for. (Deuteronomy 6:4-9)

Our duty as Christian homemakers is to make our homes an inviting and warm place, full of joy and contentment in the Lord.  Our homes should exude the Gospel in its decor, in its people, and in its atmosphere.  Perfection is not the purpose of homemaking.  Loving God in how we love our families and serve them day to day, and how we open our homes to the people of God and to the sharing of His Word is the purpose of homemaking. (Proverbs 31:10-31) 

We can do nothing apart from Christ.  It is only by the grace of God that we suppress our anger, enjoy washing the dishes, even love our children.  

I am not perfect, and you are not perfect.  We are all sinful women, wives, mothers, and homemakers.  We need God’s forgiveness.  We need His power.  If we seek to do it on our own we will only fail miserably.

Seek Christ and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.

How Has God Worked In Your Heart During The Homemaking Pharisee Series? 

This article is just one part in a series entitled The Homemaking Pharisee: Living a “Godly” Life with an Ungodly Spirit.  To view the rest in this series PLEASE CLICK HERE.

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Lindsey

I am a wife to a wonderful husband and mother to four beautiful children five and under: three girls and one boy. I am a disciple of Christ and I am fulfilling my role to my husband and family as a homemaker. I began The Road to 31 almost two years ago in an effort to focus more as I studied the Word of God and researched those things which were important to me. I found that God used The Road to 31 within my own life to bring community to my front door and allowed me to minister and be ministered to by other women who are walking along the same road as I.

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